On the Q
by Bill Schleizer

Welcome to the latest edition of On the Q, your favorite question and answer column on the internets. I received some very interesting questions, but was only able to answer one! I also found questions from a fake exam that my college roommates and I made when we had way too much time (and vodka) on our hands during university. As always, if you have any questions, queries or conundrums that you would like to submit, please fire me an email at canvas.Schleizer@gmail.com

But first off, a little housekeeping. As I have stated in the past, I am not an expert in anything, but I do take the time to read through your questions and construct an answer of dubious validity. I am probably never complete, but I hope I shed some light onto the topics forwarded. I am not too proud to publish corrections/additions when I am wrong/incomplete. A reader responded to Q3 from our last installment, and I have included it to bring knowledge to the masses:

"Q3: Why is there only mac and pc? how come there aren't more options?

Linux. It actually works now, looks pretty, and it's free. www.ubuntu.com will provide you with something that does pretty much everything several thousands of dollars of proprietary does. At least what you need. In fact, most of the internet runs off it. Bet you didn't know that. (this was originally a page long diatribe on the socio-economics of computers, but then I realized nobody cared)."

On the Q

Q1: What are "nations" that claimed sovereignty but really had no real governmental argument for being in existence?

A1: The Principality of Sealand (Also acceptable: The Holy Roman Empire).

This one deserves a bit of an explanation. The "Principality" of Sealand is pretty weird (www.sealandgov.org/history.html). And it was in the news recently, when it was up for sale. You could've landed yourself a "sovereign" nation for just several hundred million euros (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roughs_Tower). Basically, it's an old British navy installation of the coast of England that some guy decided was his own country.

The Holy Roman Empire was "created" in around 800 AD to try and bring back the large Roman Empire that had crumbled mid-millennium. It was just a scraggly collection of really small sovereign nation-states, but did have some very significant influence for awhile. It is interesting, because the Holy Roman Empire was not Holy, Roman, or really an Empire. To quote Linda Richmond, "Talk amongst yourselves." It was more of an association.

In the Queue

I1: Bottle in front of me, or frontal lobotomy?

I2: I consider myself a relatively "normal," unassuming kind of guy. Why
do I find myself in weird situations on a fairly regular basis, and when
I'm in these situations, how is it possible that I'm generally still
within my comfort zone?

I3: In "The Little Prince" how was his tiny asteroid B612 able to support an atmosphere to provide for the rose and the baobob trees that kept cropping up?

Missed the Q

M1: Yeah, but everybody smelled vaguely of hobo afterward, and nobody involved would talk about it for years.

So once again, I implore you to send me your questions, or comments, to canvas.Schleizer@gmail.com

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's the fake midterm exam that I mentioned at the front of the article:

Time Limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.

1) H I S T O R Y
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

2) M E D I C I N E
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

3) P U B L I C S P E A K I N G
Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

4) B I O L O G Y
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

5) M U S I C
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

6) P S Y C H O L O G Y
Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

7) S O C I O L O G Y
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

8) M A N A G E M E N T S C I E N C E
Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

9) E N G I N E E R I N G
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

10) E C O N O M I C S
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

11) P O L I T I C A L S C I E N C E
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

12) E P I S T E M O L O G Y
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

13) P H Y S I C S
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

14) P H I L O S O P H Y
Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

15) G E N E R A L K N O W L E D G E
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

* * E X T R A C R E D I T * *
Define the universe; give three examples.